SOME TYPES OF ANGER
1. Behavioral Anger. This type of anger is comprised of aggressive and cruel actions. It inclines mostly on the physical aspect. It usually implies an attack towards the subject of the anger, usually a person. It is expressed through trouble-making, physical attack and defiance.
2. Verbal anger. This type of anger, on the other hand, merely uses words and not actions. It is expressed mostly by openly speaking insulting words and hurtful criticisms. Accusing somebody of a crime or of a wrong-doing is also an example of verbal anger.
3. Passive Anger. Passive anger is shown mostly through mockery, or through avoiding a certain instance. People who are displaying this type of anger are not showing their anger outright but are devising covert ways of expressing it. They do not confront a person or a situation.
4. Self-inflicted anger. This type of anger is the one that is directed toward a person’s own body. Sometimes, people showing this type of anger tend to starve themselves or eat too much, for example. These are the people into the idea of punishing their own self for something wrong they have done.
5. Chronic anger. People with chronic anger are just angry in general. They are angry with their lives, with their selves, with the people around them and the whole world in general. They don’t necessarily have a definite reason why. Most of the time, they are just angry for apparently no reason at all.
6. Judgmental anger. This type of anger would lead somebody to hurtfully shame the people around him, like his family, friends and neighbors. He expresses his anger by putting others down and belittling their abilities as a person.
7. Overwhelmed anger. This type of anger is seen on people that hate the situations happening around them that directly affect their lives. They usually shout or lash out at someone or something easily. They do so because that’s their way of relieving the stress and the pain they are feeling.
8. Constructive anger. This type of anger is the type that makes people want to go out and join groups and movements. And they usually do it because they wanted to do something to correct a certain situation. They wanted to make a positive change. And that’s the main effect of this type of anger.
9. Volatile Anger. This type of anger is the one that easily comes and goes. The magnitude of this anger varies too. It could build into a rage, or it could be a mild, sudden anger. It could explode abruptly, or it could go unseen. It all depends on the person controlling the anger. This type is expressed either by verbal or physical assault.
10. Retaliatory anger. This type of anger is the most common one. Usually people get angry because other people are angry at them. This anger depends mainly on the other person. If your anger is due to a person lashing out at you, then you are guilty of this type of anger.
11. Paranoid Anger. This anger arises if a person feels, in an irrational way, that they are intimidated by others. People with this type of anger feel and think that other people wanted to take what is rightfully theirs. They are angry toward that person because, for one, they are jealous.
12. Deliberate Anger. This type of anger is shown by people who would like to gain control over a situation. They are mostly not angry at first. But they will be once you have shown that you are against what they have planned and what they would like to happen. They use anger to gain power over somebody or something.
Stop Yelling at Me!
By Tracy Hillwig
Angry people scare me. With their fury simmering beneath a steely-eyed facade, they always appear to be looking for a fight. At one time, my approach to conflict was a turtle-in-the-shell mentality -- take cover and hope the predator locates some other "sparring partner." As battle plans went, hiding seemed my best option, though my co-worker or acquaintance inevitably sought me out. It was never pleasant.
Learning to live with the fury of a chronically-angry person is hard enough. But "love thine enemies"? (Matthew 5:44) That requires a lot more than simply hiding in the ladies' room when they're coming down the hall.
Even now, I'm often tempted to go back into hiding, or to plaintively wonder, Why should I have to be the one to make adjustments when she is the one with the problem? But I have learned an appropriate response to the actions and words of chronically-angry folks protects me from the damaging effects of their fury. Not only that; it also brings honor to the Lord. God calls upon each of us to extend grace, undeserved favor, and to do our best to live in peace with others. (Romans 12:18)
At some point, we all come up against the boss, spouse, or pal who is ready to leap upon the slightest mistake or failure and turn it into a capital offense. While most of us are susceptible to the occasional outburst, some people are consumed by anger. For them, it is a way of life. Their motto is two-fold: Everybody is trying to ruin my day, and revenge is a dish best served at any temperature. We anxiously tiptoe around them, studying their reaction to every snag in the normal flow of daily life. Anything could be the spark that lights their fuse.
Knowledge Is The Best Shield
The old G.I. Joe cartoons ended with a short segment teaching kids how to manage a difficult situation. As the scene faded, the characters would shout in unison, "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!" Understanding the characteristics typical of habitually angry people aids in devising a strategy for relating to the agitated individual.
"Unmet needs can feed anger," write Drs. Les Carter and Frank Minirth in The Anger Workbook. Satisfying the need -- for example, alleviation of pain, or compensation for lack of security, respect, or self-worth -- becomes the mission of chronically-angry people. Anyone who is not equally concerned about replenishing the inadequacy becomes a target of their wrath. Working in a nursing home several years ago, I witnessed a sweet elderly woman deteriorate into a snarling hoyden because she was in constant physical and mental anguish. Easing the pain proved impossible. So, her frustration at both the discomfort and the doctor's futile efforts boiled until it manifested in fits of hollering and slapping. Identifying what causes furious reactions may guide us to the root of the other person's anger.
Making a mountain out of a molehill. People with chronic anger problems have great expectations of themselves, spouses, co-workers, friends, and children. "Many of us who struggle with anger are hard-driven personalities who take on too much and attempt perfection in every arena," writes Kathryn Bishop. (Today's Christian Woman, "Taming Your Temper Tantrums," March/April 2003) What seems so powerfully essential to such people often appears unimportant or even ridiculous to the rest of us. Remember, God expects only our best performance for Him, not superhuman attempts with regard to someone else's interpretation of "perfect."
Avoiding Conflict The Right Way
Everyone views the world through his or her own prism. Like all of us, angry people operate on the assumption their perception of the world is accurate. However, consumed as they are by their need, hot-tempered individuals are prone to distort well-meaning actions and words, even of loved ones. Clear communication is the best tool for avoiding and diverting heated confrontations. Using the following strategies requires courage as well as a willingness to submit our own belligerent responses to the Lord.
Say what you mean. In any relationship, failure to communicate accurately will lead to misinterpretation. Most people respond defensively to criticism, and chronically-angry people will often fight back believing they are being personally attacked. Use statements beginning with "I" rather than "you," and avoid universal statements that use never and always. My former co-worker, Emma, was exceptionally sensitive about the quality of her work. Any hint that a project could be improved was met with expletives. Since our desks faced each other, avoiding her was out of the question. So, I learned to broach possible changes with the "I sentence" strategy. Instead of saying "Emma, your reports never make any sense to me because of all the technical language," I said, "Emma, I'm having trouble understanding the technical language in your report since I don't have your training. Is there a way to make it accessible to someone like me?" Emma rarely blew up at me after I asked a question in this way. Although exasperated, she no longer felt personally attacked over her choice to use technical language.
Respond wisely. The tone of a discussion is of equal importance to the words being said, particularly when we find ourselves already the object of vengeance. Choose to reply in an even tone rather than responding in kind with loud retorts or deliberate silence. Feeling angry when we are the target of an emotional pummeling is to be expected, but we are counseled "never [to] pay back evil for evil to anyone" (Romans 12:17). We can easily get caught up in the anger trap ourselves if we do not practice our faith. I ruined a friendship once by giving in to the urge to retaliate. After getting angry with me for declining a dinner invitation without explanation, a friend of mine proceeded to ignore me for weeks. Rather than approach her to explain I needed to work late, I simply gave her the cold shoulder in return and sanctimoniously announced she deserved it. I brooded over her offensive behavior for years -- yes, years -- before finally forgiving her and releasing my hurt and frustration. I now wish I had let her know I was angered by her reaction, but her friendship was too important to waste on retribution. Had I chosen to live out my Christianity in this way, we might still be close.
Practice active listening. In conversation, whether hostile or friendly, we tend to be either listening for what we want to hear or mentally preparing the fantastic retort we will deliver as soon as the other person takes a breath. To help combat this trend, marriage experts recommend a practice of paraphrasing the major point of a spouse's discourse to ensure the partners have heard each other correctly. The concept translates well to any relationship, particularly one involving a chronically-angry person. Active listening requires determining the reason behind the confrontation rather than wading into the fight and verbally slugging it out with our incensed counterpart. Dr. Les Parrot, author of High Maintenance Relationships, writes, "By defining the conflict, you bring some objectivity into it and can avoid a lot of useless strife." He recommends saying, "I want to be sure I understand what is upsetting you. Is it...?"
Demonstrating kindness to an angry person can often feel like trying to cuddle a porcupine. It's hard and looks unworthy of the effort. But the Bible instructs us to be kind and to forgive others as Jesus forgave us. (Ephesians 4:32) This is not simply for the benefit of the other person. It also strengthens our relationship with the Lord. As we act out God's grace in response to the fury of our friends and family, we can continue to pray He will drench the heart burning with anger in the cooling waters of His love and kindness.