Misogyny and Misandry

Misogyny: Greek misogynia, from misein to hate + gynE woman
: a hatred of women
Misandry – Hatred of men

From:  http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/misandry.htm
Both terms 'misogyny' and 'misandry' evolved in the 1960's in the United States. Radical feminists defined term 'misogyny' as the hatred of women. Originally, I defined misandry to mean the hatred of men. After reflection, I changed the definition of misandry to mean the hatred or oppression of males. Then I redefined misogyny to mean the hatred or oppression of females. Radical feminists are chauvinists because they hate and berate anyone who does not share their views.

Misandry is an exaggerated pathological aversion towards men. While usually ascribed to women, it is also possible for men to be misandrist. Unlike misogyny (a pathological aversion towards women), misandry has been little discussed or investigated. Some masculists maintain that misandry has been rampant for thirty years, due to feminist advocacy, and has become a social pathology. Some feminists believe that, while misogyny is a social disease, misandry doesn't exist. Others in both feminist and masculist camps consider the "war of the sexes" arising from traditional gender roles to be a powerful source of both misogyny and misandry.

Signs of Misandry
Acts of bigotry towards males include:
·the desire or act to subjugate or oppress or punish or harm or injure, or murder a male because of his gender.
· the deliberate preference of a female's lie against the truth.
· the belief that no father can be a fit parent.
· the assumption that masculinity, male physiology, and male hormones cause males to become evil, sexually abusive, oppressive, and violent. The parallel assumption is we must raise boys as we do girls, in the image of misandry, without regard to a child's unique qualities, preferences, hopes, and desires.
·the assumption that every male is or can become sexually abusive, oppressive, and violent.
·the assumption that females cannot be sexually abusive,   oppressive, and violent.
·the attribution of negative qualities and humanity's historic evils to the entire male gender while ignoring female culpability.
·the promulgation of false statistics against males regarding rape and family violence. The parallel assertion that female acts of abuse and violence against males are insignificant and are justified as self-defense.
·the tolerance of female violence and abuse toward males.
·the suppression of evidence of a female’s violence and abuse toward a male.
·the encouragement or reporting or supporting or the toleration of false allegations and charges against a male because of his gender.
·lying or the deliberate creation of false information against any male because of his gender.
·the deliberate suppression or distortion of facts showing a female’s guilt or a male's innocence.
·the suppression or distortion of a male's testimony because of his gender.
·the falsification of transcripts, police reports, court reports, and evidence to adversely affect a male because of his gender.
·the denial of historic male spiritual, intellectual, humanitarian, and material contributions to civilization.
·the act of coercing women to lie against their husbands.
·the act of coercing children to lie against their fathers.
·the act of encouraging or instructing females to contrive, or testify to, false allegations of family violence, child abuse, child molestation, or rape against a male.
·the act of making false allegations of family violence, child abuse, child molestation, or rape against a male.
·the act of falsely testifying against a male to support false allegations of family violence, child abuse, child molestation, or rape.
·blaming males for all psychological and social maladies.
· encouraging or persuading another to lie against a male because of his gender.
·the abuse of a male for personal satisfaction or material gain.
·the failure to provide males equal protection under the law.
·the use of female pronouns to refer to victims and male pronouns to refer to assailants, rapists, and suspects.
·the actual or tacit toleration of mental, physical, or sexual abuse upon a male by a female.
·the actual or tacit toleration of any act of depravity upon a male.

Signs of Misogyny  From: Margaret J. Rinck  
“ Christian men who hate women –Healing hurting Relationships “ 

1) "Any challenge or objection by his wife is met with rage, temper tantrums, or stony silence. The Christian misogynist (yes, there are such people) often uses distortion of scriptural teaching to keep his partner "in her place." " page 16
2) "The reason is that once the woman changes a particular behavior to please him, another behavior becomes the target. The definition of what is pleasing constantly changes, so that she is kept off balance." page 17
3) "A woman should examine whether her marriage relationship has most of these characteristics:
     1. The man assumes he has the "God-given" right to control how she lives and behaves. Her needs or thoughts are not even considered.
     2. He uses God, the Bible, and church doctrine to support his "right to tell her what to do," and demands that she "submit" unquestioningly to his desires, whims, decisions, or plans. There is no sense of mutuality or loving consideration. It is always his way or nothing.
     3. She finds that she no longer associates with certain friends, groups, or even family members because of her need to keep him happy. Even though these activities or people are important to her, she finds herself preferring to avoid them in order to "keep the peace."
     4. He believes and acts like her opinions, views, feelings, or thoughts have no real value. He may discredit them on principle or specifically because "she is a woman and easily deceived like Eve was." Or, he may give lip-service to respecting her thoughts, but later shoot them down one by one because they "are not logical."
     5. He acts charming and sweet at church and is well-liked at work, yet at home the family has to "walk on eggs" to prevent setting him off. People who do not see him at home find it hard to believe that she is really suffering emotional abuse. He reinforces this feeling whenever she points out the differences between home and church by saying something such as , "Oh, quit exaggerating. I'm not like that!"
     6. When she displeases him and he does not get his way, he yells, threatens, or sulks in angry silence.
     7. She feels confused by his behavior because one day he can be loving, kind, charming, and gentle; the next day he is cruel and full of rage. The switch seems to come without warning.
     8. No matter how much she tries to improve, change, or "grow in the Word," in her relationship with him, she still feels confused, inadequate, guilty, and somehow off balance. She never knows what will set him off next, and no matter how much she prays, he never changes. She almost feels she must be "crazy" and she is sure it is her fault.
     9. He acts possessive and jealous, even of her time with the children. He may even try to restrict her normal church activities because "a woman's place is in the home." If other people, especially other men, notice her or talk to her, he becomes very angry or jealous.
     10. When anything goes wrong in the home or in their relationship, the problem is always her. If she would just be "more submissive" or "more filled with the spirit" or "obey me like a good Christian wife," everything would be fine. He seems blind to any cruelty or misbehavior on his part. He actually sees himself virtuous for "putting up" with a woman like her." pages 20-23
4) "The unique feature of misogynists is that their abusive, nonempathetic grandiosity is directed toward the women in their lives. Misogynists may occasionally exhibit these characteristics toward other people, but the brunt of their disorder is aimed at their wives or girlfriends." page 43
5) "The misogynist is extremely control-oriented; he needs to control and dominate his wife." page 46
6) "He may make sex mechanical (when and where he wants it), refuse to be concerned about her sexual satisfaction, becomes less and less physically affectionate after the wedding, express repulsion or disgust at the idea of romantically touching, or use blame or punishment when her sexual needs differ from his own." page 47
7) "The goal of his emotional and psychological battering is to wear down his wife, to keep her under his control at all costs.

     Some of the tools of abuse and control are yelling, bullying, threatening, temper tantrums, name calling, constant criticism, verbal attacks, ridiculing the woman's pain, subtle attempts to confuse her and make her doubt her sanity, forgetting things that happened between them, accusations, blaming, and rewriting history. The misogynist uses all these tactics with the overt aim to "teach you a lesson" or "make you a better person." In Christian homes the justification for abuse becomes even more powerful. Often God or the Bible is used to justify the verbal attack as "correction." "If you were a really good Christian wife you'd . . . ," or "I only do this because God gave me the authority to lead you and be your spiritual head." These become stereotyped defenses. If the wife shows anger, fear, or weakness, she is "rebellious," "untrusting," or "immature in the Lord." If she questions her husband's decisions or opinions, she must be disciplined for her own good." page 53

8) "Codependent women are usually deceived by the occasional "nice" behaviors that their mates exhibit." page 60 - see Dee Graham's Loving to Survive: Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives (New York University Press, 1994) for a way of explaining women's submissive behavior that does not degrade women by calling us co-dependent. In Loving to Survive, Graham attributes this behavior to "the Societal Stockholm Syndrome," an adaptive behavior that allows women to survive in an hostile environment. She adamantly refuses to acknowledge that such women are codependents. Good book and I agree with her. Although the behavioral responses/ intellectual conclusions that people reach are the same where they are codependents or suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome, women who are suffering from the Societal Stockholm Syndrome can be "reprogrammed" to reject a culture that condones abuse and to reject their abusers.

9) ". . . Elaine was a people pleaser and tried desperately to "correct" her behavior so as to please her spouse. Yet each time she tried, it seemed as if the rules had changed." page 60
10) "Learned helplessness is observed in victims of chronic abuse or trauma; these people feel that they have no ability to make choices or influence their destiny." page 61
11) "A child growing up in the kind of environment Ruth Ellen or Mary did or in other dysfunctional families where codependency develops learns some rules:
     1. Your feelings do not matter. Pleasing others and soothing their feelings becomes
        all-important. Peace is to be maintained at any price.
     2. No one is there to protect you. "If Mom can't protect herself from Dad's abuse,
        she obviously isn't going to take care of me."
     3. The only way to handle a man's aggression is to give in to it. "Mom stayed married
         to Dad for thirty years, and he belittled her and treated her mean, so I guess I have
         to do it too."
     4. The most important thing in life, yet the most painful thing, is to have a man. . .
     5. The way to keep people from abandoning you is to try to be perfect, meet all their
         needs, ignore your own thoughts and feelings, and, above all, never act as if their
         mistreatment is that bad." page 69

12) "They end up feeling constantly condemned by their spouses, by Scripture and by God. It never occurs to them to question their husbands' interpretation of Scripture or to decide for themselves whether it is being used appropriately. All too aware of their faults, they see these biblical injunctions as proof that they have failed and that if they would just "do it right," everything would be fine.
     As we all know, Scripture can and has been used to justify everything from slavery to the Holocaust." page 72

13) "Example: Phillip was separated from his wife for three years, but not divorced, and had an affair with a needy, codependent Christian woman. A Christian himself, he told her that "it was God's will" for them to have sex because "in God's eyes we are already married." She begged him not to do it, but Phillip pressured her and forced himself upon her. Afterward he said he had "no guilt" because "God had created sex and their love was beautiful." "page 74

14) "Many men use this notion of their sanctioned "authority" to commit atrocities against women and children. . . .At a national seminar I attended, one well-known Bible teacher said that even if a woman's husband beat her, she would be better off to "obey God," submit to the beatings, and even die than to leave him to seek relief!" page 75

15) "Even victims of such abuse find it difficult to conceive [that the abuse is real]." page 76
16) "Sexism permeates our evangelical culture. In some churches, it is intrinsic to certain doctrinal positions. The problem is both cultural and religious." page 79-80
7) "Another root problem in the evangelical church is misuse of the biblical ideal of submission." page 81
18) "However, for the woman who has no idea of what a healthy relationship of mutual submission looks like, let me outline a few characteristics:
     1. Both partners live in a daily, personal voluntary submission to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. . .
     2. Love is based on a deep, mutual respect as the guiding principle behind all decisions, actions, and plans. . .
     3. Both partners are aware of their status as "heirs together" in Christ . . .Both recognize that the purpose of those gifts is to build up, through mutual submission, the body of Christ as well as their own relationship.
     4. Natural abilities and talents of each individual. . . are a practical basis for delegating various roles and responsibilities in the home.
     5. The emphasis is on a mature relationship between two adults, not on prescribed, arbitrary roles or functions into which each personality is forced to fit. The marriage is seen as a relationship rather than as a career or an organization.
     6. Each person maintains their own God-given personal identity and personality. . .
     7. The sexual relationship is not only procreative but it is one of joy, fun, fulfillment, and refreshment for both partners.
     8. Intimacy and deep emotional closeness replaces game playing and role playing.
     9. Honesty and fidelity are the cornerstones of healthy communication patterns, based on a deep, abiding trust in the other person and in Christ.
     10. Decision-making is based on a process where both partners have a willingness to come to a mutually satisfying outcome. " pages 83-85
     19) "He believes that the best way to keep his woman from leaving him is to cripple her emotionally, to limit her activities, and to keep her guessing psychologically." page 89
     20) "He is incapable of seeing her as a separate human being." page 103
     21) "This woman lets his personality overwhelm her and gives way to the force of his persona." page 103
     22) "Recovery is a life-long process, so I urge you to let go of any perfectionist expectations you may have about accomplishing this in a few weeks." page 111
     23) "The misogynist is happy with things as they are; he likes having the balance of power in his favor and sees no need for help." page 115-116
     24) "The feelings that normally motivate change - sadness, guilt, remorse, anxiety - are not a significant part of his emotional experience." page 138
     25) "Thus, even in a Christian context, the prognosis for repairing a misogynistic marriage is not very good." page 140
     26) "The primary thing that the Christian community can do to change the misogynistic system is to break the silence about it." page 159
     27) "Often those most vocally opposed to change regarding sexism are women who are afraid of change and of losing their martyr's role in society." page 161
     28) "I am aware of two cases in which a misogynist, through charm and manipulation, deceived court-appointed psychologists and/or psychiatrists and persuaded them to grant him custody of the minor children." page 164

Type 1 Misogynist (Mild):
     No physical abuse of his partner. He uses indirect criticism; denies that he is abusive, protestations of love when confronted with his disrespectful behavior; extremely subtle, may use flattery to keep woman at his side. Uses logic to control situations. Outargues spouse, totally discounts woman's feelings and thoughts. He rarely loses his temper. He always looks as if he is in control, very reasonable. Out of touch with his own feelings.

Type II Misogynist:
     Includes Type I behaviors plus more overt verbal tactics such as teasing, bullying, belittling, namecalling, obvious criticism, unfavorable comparison of partner with other woman. Uses nonverbal tactics such as pouting, the "silent treatment," dirty looks to show displeasure. May demand special attention. May be jealous of wife's attention to children or other relatives. May use temper tantrums to get his own way. Increase in intensity and frequency of behaviors over Type I.

Type III Misogynist:
     Uses any of Type I and Type II behaviors plus the threat of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. More extreme in controlling social life, religious practices, finances, sexual interactions, and matters of daily living. Increase in intensity and frequency of behaviors over Types I and II.

Type IV Misogynist (Extreme):
     Uses of any of Type I through type III behaviors plus physical and/or sexual abuse toward wife and possibly children. Level of intensity of abusive behavior is very high and poses a significant danger to the woman. Abusive style has become a deeply ingrained behavior. More extreme in controlling various areas of family life." page 22

Note: It took me probably 10 years of verbal/emotional abuse by a "true Christian" followed by reading probably 20 books on (feminist) theology to accept that there are committed "Christian" men who truly believe that they are given the moral right by God to "chastise" (read that "punish" ) any woman who comes into their path.

From an article for young women:
University of Notre Dame Counseling center chart on characteristics of Sexual abusers.

10 Warning Signs of Dating Violence
1.Bad Vibes - When your intuition says something is wrong.
2.Aggression - Everyone gets angry, but it's what your date does with anger. It is not OK to hurt another person.
3.Jealousy - The jealous person has a self-esteem problem. It's control, not love.
4.Controlling Behavior - When you feel you are losing yourself because of your date. No person is worth losing control over your own life.
5.Misogyny - Disliking women as people, or considering them less intelligent then men.
6.Put-downs - Let flags go up when you are put down. Comments like "how horribly you're dressed" or "how clumsy you are".
7.Pornography - Studies have shown that men who engage in a lot of pornographic activities have lower opinions of women and tend to view them as sex objects.
8.Unpleasant Sex - Sex that is hurtful or unpleasant is often a sign of worse things to come.
9.Drinking and Drugs - Although drinking and drugs do not mean that a person will become abusive, many report that their abusers were involved with alcohol and drugs.
10.Childhood Violence - If your date is from a family where there was violence, he may be prone to violence